How to Help Your Children Make Changes With Divorce
Helping children adjust to anything - divorce or otherwise - can be a daunting task. At any age, boys and girls of any age may feel uncertain or angry at the prospect of the two people who they love the most splitting up.
As a parent, you can make the process and its effects less painful for your children. Helping your children - of any age - cope with divorce means providing stability in your home and attending to your children's needs with a reassuring, yet positive attitude.
It won't be a seamless process, but these tips can help your children cope:
- If you can, tell your child together when the decision is made
- Work out immediate issues beforehand if at all possible
- Anticipate questions your child may have
- Expect an adjustment period
- Don't argue in front of the child or use him or her as a messenger
- Avoid placing restrictions on what your child can say
- Encourage involvement of both parents
- Pre-plan holidays and vacation schedules
- Minimize changes
- Encourage your child to express his or her feelings
- Be consistent with discipline
- Don't overcompensate for the divorce
- Stay in constant contact with your child's teachers
Both parents should be involved in homework and school work
If you only see your child every other weekend, it can be tough to keep up on homework and teachers. Especially since you'll probably be more tempted to have fun with the children and not focus on things like homework.
So we try to put in place provisions in our clients' separation agreement that ensures both parents are actively involved with the child's school. This can place a burden on the primary custodial parent, but it's a burden that's in the best interests of the child and well worth the effort.
Our attorneys also generally suggest creating a notebook - just a spiral bound notebook that gets passed back and forth between the houses - that keeps track of homework, permission slips, activities, etc.
Divorce and custody attorneys who know what you are going through - we have gone through divorces of our own!
Here's an interesting secret: do you know what divorce lawyers do when they are going through divorces of their own? They think going to court is a losing proposition. It wastes energy, time, and money and is a last resort. Because leaving decisions up to a third person who doesn't even know your situation - or your children - is the last thing that makes sense.
That's why the legal team at Flat-Fee Divorce Attorneys works with clients in order for you to determine how your marriage ends, not some randomly-assigned judge.
You don't pay high legal fees to fight for your children at our firm
In traditional divorces that end-up in court, it takes up to a year - or longer - to arrive at the point of settlement. We think that paying high fees for a divorce lawyer should be a thing of the past. It's outdated. It's inefficient. It's too expensive. Most important of all, it just doesn't make sense.